your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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