im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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