I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
