He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
