i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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