every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she told me i tasted like america
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
