You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
