hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sorry about my life...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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