I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
