dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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