Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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