U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Couch. On fire.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
