Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think a kid would responsible me up
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
