Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
