I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
