You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My underwear smells like fireworks.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
