He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
