ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
