you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
