Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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