oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
