Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
