Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
