Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
