so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
