Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!