"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
