A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
