You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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