i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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