They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Well I just put wine in my tea
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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