She went from zero to smokin in five shots
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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