Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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