Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
