Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
