I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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