Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
