the condom got lost in my hair
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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