you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
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