fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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