I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
