Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
