You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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