turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
