So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Randomize
