i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
