apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
