I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize