: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
