I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
