If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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