Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
