So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
