Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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