1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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