i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize