And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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