I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
