I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
