one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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