I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize