we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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