So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
