So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
