Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
