i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You ate ashes out of my bong
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize