You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
