My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
